Critique this description**pls
This is an elegant champagne satin fabric rose, with a clear white wine aylric center, adhered together with almost invisible nylon thread to a red gross grain ribbon sealed with hot glue to a two prong metal alligator clip.
Originally created to show the Nixa, MO Nixa Eagles sparkling school spirit in this above standard school district, it can be worn for more occasions than just a sports game or school spirit day.
For an evening out with the satin romantic rose clip, to a church wedding rose clip, to accepting a baptism invitation, to a single valentine rose clip, a birthday red rose gift, or to just be in celebration using the red wine satin rose clip.
This is just for you.
***warning****the aylric gem is considered a choking hazard for ages six years and younger.
Views: 53
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Sunfire [Breath of the Dragon] on -
The first sentence is too long, IMHO. Break it up into 2 or 3 sentences, so that simple minds can follow it. Then again, I have no picture to go by, and the description alone doesn't give me enough to truly visualize it.
It's not much, but I hope that helps.
~Sunfire
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Permalink Reply by All About The Buttons on -
. I agree,break up the first sentence.After the warning, acrylic is incorrect.
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Permalink Reply by Mariana on -
Me, three, maybe "this champagne satin fabric rose has a clear aylric center..." is what we need to know first.
I get the sense of how important the work and the craft are to you, the artist, so I think people will be interested! now ill go take a look at your shop!
M
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Permalink Reply by Giani (galleriadigiani) on -
Feel free to use as much of this as you like:
This elegant, romantic rose is made from a champagne satin fabric with a clear white acrylic center. They are adhered to a two prong alligator clip with nylon thread, red gross grain ribbon, and hot glue to seal it.
This rose was originally created in honor of the Nixa, MO Eagles, to show school spirit, but can be worn in a variety of settings. You can wear this to complete your ensemble for a romantic dinner for two. It can be a classy touch to your outfit at a church wedding, or other church functions (baptismals, communions, etc).
Men, this can be a wonderful, heartfelt gesture of love on Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, her birthday, or even "just because". Trust me, this will bring a smile to her face, a bit of extra color to her cheek, and maybe even a tear to her eye. She'll love it, and she'll love you all the more for it.
So, ladies, get this for yourself because you deserve it. Men, get it for her because she earned it.
Enjoy.
_________
And then, if you like, I would add the warning, but much further down the page, to avoid taking away from the sentiment.
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Permalink Reply by Portable Graffiti Graphics Judy on -
Wow! Nice Giani!!
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Permalink Reply by Beautifulswagstore on -
here's a picture..I finally got it to come over..
to Giani - i used the entire thing..I think I will use it as a template for anything else I upload. Perfect rearranging of words. it expressed exactly what I was trying to get across.
I agree with everyone else, the first sentence was way too long.
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Permalink Reply by Giani (galleriadigiani) on
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It's quite lovely.
I do admit, I fear I engaged in an inadvertent bit of sexism though. I might change one word in each of the last two sentences. I think it might be better as "So, ladies, get this for yourself because you earned it. Men, get it for her because she deserves it."
My reasoning is that, to me, it sounds better that a guy did it because his woman deserved it, rather than earned it. Know what I mean?
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Permalink Reply by Beautifulswagstore on
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yup give me a few hours in the middle of sns on other site right now. I got another one up if anyone cares to help me with it. Trying to fill my shops with stuff ..
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Permalink Reply by Beautifulswagstore on
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