Another Description Help
Okay, I have three hair pins I am wanting to upload as seperate listings. I need to be sure that each is represented correctly. I did this as set originally and decided against. How would you rearrange the words for each one..
Original description:
This three piece Rhinestone Valentine Feather Hair Pin Set includes:
one pink heart rhinestone feather hair pin
one purple heart rhinestone feather hair pin
one white heart rhinestone feather hair pin
each approximately 2 1/2 inch long (do I really need to state the measurement?)
This rhinestone sweetheart valentine feather hair piece set was designed for that woman in mind that doesn't like a big hair accessories but still wants the flare, grace, elegance, hollywood, burlesque hair rhinestone feather acessories. (way too long).
Perfect for the office or work place, engagments like weddings/renewing of vows cermonies, regilious functions like St. Valentines Day Mass / service, father daughter dances, romantic getaway vacations, birthday or anniversary celebrations but still wants the flare, grace, elegance, hollywood, burlesque hair rhinestone feather acessories. (should I just list each engagement that it is good for?)
Inspired by the old hollywood days of rhinestone and feathers but with the compactibility of smallness for travel.
This is the perfect set for your valentine even if you are your own valentine.
*I know arylric is spelled wrong above did I forget to mention spelling is not one of attributes*
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Views: 144
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Mariana on -
These are neat hair pins.
I think Giani is fabulous at this, so I won't mess with that! (Giani, let's open a fabulous Design House that features Seattle-New York fashion!)
But I'd suggest making a template for yourself that would have- Description, a unique story, then materials, then dimensions.
At the end, I'd put what you said about how it's versatile, for office wear or formal occasions, but not too long. In the tags you can list key words a buyer might search, such as wedding, engagement, birthdays, etc. And then there's the gift guide where you can choose a category.
If you crowd your description, it will be harder to distinguish one piece from the other, so you kinda have to make a commitment there, and keep it simple.
Oh, yes-- I think it's good to say something like, "thanks for stopping by," and "Click View Shop to return to my listings." I don't always do it, but I should!
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Permalink Reply by strawberryfieldsArtJewelryBeadsn on -
I would not start out with 'this' between the quotes is my re-write suggestion.
"Rhinestone sweetheart valentine feather hair piece. Designed for the woman that doesn't like big hair accessories, but still exhudes flare, grace and elegance.
Inspired by Hollywood, burlesque hair rhinestone feather accessories yet compact for travel.
Perfect for office and the work place or engagements like weddings, vow renewal ceremonies, and religious functions - St Valentines Day Mass or church services, father / daughter dances, prom, romantic getaway vacations, birthday or anniversary celebrations and bridesmaids gifts." [don't repeat what is in the previous paragraph]
"Perfect for your Valentine, or as for a gift to yourself just for being who you are."
[Use spell check for spelling issues]
StrawberryfieldsArtJewelryBeadsNMore handcrafted jewelry, jewelry supplies and tools
Kathleen
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Permalink Reply by Beautifulswagstore on -
I agree with Marianna that Giani has that magical touch with description writing..all give him a round of a applause and crown him description king...
@strawberry fields I took your advice the listing for the pink one is in the shop now. www.zibbet.com/beautifulswagstore
@bluemoosebeads i agreed. This is what is greata about zibbet. I need help. I shoutout in this thread and my teammies, which is the rest of the sellers help out.
THANK YOU!!!
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Permalink Reply by strawberryfieldsArtJewelryBeadsn on
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You're quite welcome, my pleasure.
Additional suggestion - to reduce the 'clutter' leave out the materials used in the description, because there is a materials section that appears when the listing is viewed.
When listing a 'negative' - word it positively instead of negatively - instead of choking hazard because the item may fall apart [which should not be mentioned] - it should say instead "Not for children under seven years of age." To keep the item from 'falling apart' perhaps you may need to use a hair clip or a longer / stronger hair pin to account for the pressure that's needed to separate a hair pin when attaching it to the hair.
Go into your computer 'my computer' help tab and type in 'spell check' - the help section for how to turn on your spell check should pop up for you. Words misspelled are 'acrylic' and 'detached'. To avoid repeating the word 'pink' make your title "Valentine Pink Feather Hair Pin". That says it's Valentine Pink and also that it's a pink hairpin in five words. Always try to consolidate - remember that you don't need to list materials within the description because of the materials section. The 'ready to ship made to order' statement is contradictory - if you have some already made up - it's 'ready to ship' or next day shipping - if you need to make them up or offer a variety of options - list it as 'made to order' and you can add in the same sentence ' to your specifications - choose from the following variety of feather / heart colors'. Then list the colors available with a photo of the colors lined up in the last photo of the listing. That gives you in ONE listing an opportunity to show all of the colors you have available for this clip.
Good Luck!
StrawberryfieldsArtJewelryBeadsNMore handcrafted jewelry - supplies and tools
Kathleen
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Permalink Reply by Beautifulswagstore on
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Permalink Reply by D & P Creations on -
It is important to write descriptions using words that make sense to your target buyer; that means simple and elegant words spelled correctly.
You have exude misspelled and not used in a meaningful way. Here is the definition: 1. Discarge (moisture or a smell) slowly and steadily. 2. Be discharged by something in such a way.
Your pictures show pinks and purples together. The background should be a color which shows off the items.
What do the items look like in use? How about a picture on a mannequin head?
You could check out descriptions of such items on the internet and print advertising to make yours look similar.
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Permalink Reply by Beautifulswagstore on
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i don't have a mannequin head or a model I could use at all. I wish I did.
I will have to do that. If I changed backgound colors then my white would not show up in the picture. What color back ground would clearly make all three jump out to the buyer?
is is exhudes or exudes, maybe exsues is the word?
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Permalink Reply by D & P Creations on
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Correct spelling is exude.
When unsure, just do an internet search for the word to find the spelling definition. Your browser spell check should be your first indication of a misspelled word. Correct usage is learned.
Without a mannequin, why not a wig on a wig stand. Just be ingenious in creating your own props to make the pictures look professional. They need to look better than the competition.
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Permalink Reply by Beautifulswagstore on
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okay thanks
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Permalink Reply by strawberryfieldsArtJewelryBeadsn on
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Sorry my spell check didn't pick up the error in 'exude'. Don't know why that happened. Because D&P thinks exude isn't a very nice word - although we were going for the meaning 'to give off the air of - etc', it could be replaced by "likes" and still have the same effect we were going for.
There are discussions between differing camps as to whether a description should be informative [longer], and show you care about your craft and your customers, and those that want descriptions to 'get to the point' succinctly in fewer words.
I think the description is better, but there is still some repetition that can be deleted:
Instead of repeating your title a second time - state under your title: "Quantity - One (1) hair pin" [This quantifies that they are not buying the three shown in the 3 & 4th photos.]
"Size - 2-1/2 inches long" inches is the plural use for more than one inch
If you only have one hair pin made up for the listing and you have to make additional quantities but they can still be made and shipped the next day just state "Next day shipping on quantities ordered up to 'X' after receipt of confirmation of payment" you don't need to elaborate further.
You've repeated "pin is ready to ship" in two paragraphs. Try to proof read your descriptions by reading them as if you were the customer - proof reading after you click the continue button will help you find these types of errors. The 'additional options' Should be stated as:
"Also available in purple and white. Please contact me to request additional quantities and alternate colors and I will set up a private listing for you." You wouldn't state 'pink' here again, because this listing is for the pink one.
If each hair pin looks different because no two feathers are alike - state that in the beginning - not at the end:
"You will receive a similar hair pin. The use of organic, died feathers makes each hair pin a unique work of art as no two feathers are alike. Images 3 & 4 are additional examples of how your unique Pink hair pin may look based upon the various shapes of feathers available."
I hope this helps ;-)
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Permalink Reply by Beautifulswagstore on
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i have made the changes suggested. Pleaese go check how it flows now.
http://www.zibbet.com/BeautifulSwagStore/artwork?artworkId=714619
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Permalink Reply by strawberryfieldsArtJewelryBeadsn on
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That flows much better, you can also state 'If you need larger quantities please email me for delivery date' that way you won't discourage someone who may want more than six of them for a child's dance recital - you can also include children's dance recital's in your description of uses for them.
You need to use the plural of inch 'inches' when ever something is longer than one inch - the plural tense is necessary.
In your additional options - just state your color options and add "just follow the link below to order"
When you proof read your listings, and peruse the site to read other people's listings you'll learn to use different ways to make your listings flow ;-)
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